Randomness on the mind

So my dear husband wants to go IA but at the same time he doesn't. If he goes it will look good on his evols, its a good experience (I suppose), and good pay. The only reason he doesn't want to go is because he will be gone a whole year, no leave time to come home at all. Once he is there, hes stuck for 365 days. I don't want him to go for obvious reasons. One being that its 365 days with out him. And the constant worry that will be in the back of my head no matter how many times I tell myself he will be okay. I know many military wives have been away from their spouses for longer then that while their spouses are over there. I just don't want to be one of them. No matter what I am always proud of what he does. Being in any branch of the service takes courage no matter what they are doing. I just don't want to have to send him off. I don't want to get messages from him telling me he will be unable to contact me for days at a time due to something he has to do. Lack of Internet is one thing, missions are another. But we do not know yet if he is even going IA. Hopefully he will find out during the underway he is to go on. And if he does go, then we will have month to get whatever things we need in order. I have already told him I want him to have a living will. This way, if something does happen and he come home on life support his mother can not fight me on the choice I make based off of what his told me his wishes were. And he has things to change as well. He will only get 15 days of leave after the 4 months of schooling before he goes over there. Which 15 days to some might seem like a lot, but when that 15 days is spent with me going to school 8 of those days, and spending other days getting legal documents in order, 15 days really isn't that much. Especially when hell be gone for a year. That will be his birthday missed, mine missed for a 4th year in a row, our anniversary and all the holidays in between. Which, since we don't have kids yet, isn't all that bad. He is only able to go because he is the right rank, and he has the proper security. I suppose while he is gone I will have school and a few friends to keep me sane and distracted. But will it be enough? And if worse comes to worse, will I be able to handle another lose in my life? Will I be able to handle saying goodbye to him if he comes home to me deceased? I know most people are probably wondering why I am thinking the worse of the situation, but as a young military spouse, you are told by older spouses to expect the worse but hope for the best. So I am preparing the best I can for the worst and only hoping that the best can come out it. Right now all I can hope is that his name doesnt get called. And if it does, I can only take it a day at a time from there.